Friday, November 30, 2012
Top 10 Ways You Can Tell I'm Not a Mommy Blogger
10) I am not sponsored. There are no big name brands calling on me to endorse their products. I don't host any fancy give-away contests. I don't belong to a group of bloggers. Would I like to be paid for doing this? Heck yeah! Bring it on! But, until some corporation comes to their senses and begins advertising on my blog wall, I will continue to do this for the pure enjoyment of writing.
9) I do not own a fabulous SLR digital camera. I don't take artsy photos of my kids in charming, brightly colored outfits. I love taking pictures of my kids and I gladly share them, but they do not look like portrait studio shots. At all. In fact, I am usually hoping the person looking at the photos doesn't notice the full laundry basket in the background, or the pile of shoes, or the general chaotic mess. Some photos on lots of mommy blogs look like they were shot by seasoned professionals for a magazine spread. Too much pressure, man!
8) Some mommy bloggers talk about the beautiful mountain views from their Provo home or the tragedy of beach sand on their hardwood floors. Others blog about travels with their families as they learn about new cultures during their mission outings. I do not live on a multi-million dollar ranch. I live in south Tulsa. Although Tulsa has its charms, attractions and museums, it isn't exactly an alluring backdrop for this blog, leaving readers thinking "How lucky is she?".
7) We think our kids are pretty great, but they are far from perfect. As parents, we are even further from perfect. I may leave out details and crumbs of stories, but I am not the mom blogger who dispenses advice on how to have kids just like mine. Sometimes I wonder about these moms with 2.5 kids who are barely out of diapers telling readers all of their super fantastic ideas on parenting and how awesome their babies are. I wonder what will happen when things get real. The ones with senses of humor will be fine, I imagine. The more serious ladies might not deal so well.
6) I do not have a beef with working moms or childless couples. Wow! There is some serious verbal sparring going on between mommy bloggers and working moms. The world needs less judging and more supporting our sisters, ladies! Yikes! They are vicious! And I found several blogs with titles such as "Dear Know-it All People Without Kids: Shut the F%#& Up!" And "Smug Mommy Bloggers are the Reason Why We Hate Parents". Mean! Shooting verbal daggers at one another like crazy people. I don't want to take part in that. I'm not here to judge. There's room on this here planet for all y'all!
5) I am not a Mormon. There are more Mormon mommy bloggers out there than any other identified religious group. They seriously corner the market. One article suggests that this may be because LDS women are taught from an early age that they should live virtuous and lovely lives, that homemaking is a virtuous life choice and to be engaged in activities that promote family happiness. The church also encourages creativity. Mormon mommy blogs are amazing. Witty, creative, lively and insanely popular.
4) I really have nothing much to contribute. I want to share information so that friends and family can keep up with our part of the family from afar, but I don't really have deep, meaningful and quotable things to say. If anyone is entertained at all by this blog, well, that is a bonus. I don't foresee Redbook calling me anytime soon for an article. I think my chances of appearing in any magazine are pretty slim, unless I make the "What Not to Wear" section of Cosmo, complete with the black bar across my eyes to disguise me.
3) I have no helpful hints to eliminate clutter from your home or get the whites whiter in your laundry. I suck at Pinterest. I look at the crafts and beautiful home decor ideas, but I don't actually do any of the stuff. I have tried a few recipes, but even the cooking pins are mostly just me looking, not doing. Mommy bloggers are the BOMB when it comes to Pinterest. And not just pinning cool things to their boards, but actually doing the stuff that people pin. It amazes me.
2) I don't have a bucket list. I don't have a "100 things about me" list. I don't have a list of tried and true strategies for doing anything. Oh, the lists those mommy bloggers can make. I have trouble creating lists. See? I have resorted to making a point on my list about not being a list maker. LAME!
1) This is my elf. He has hung on our Christmas tree since I was a toddler. He's old. My brother has one in a green suit. I always loved this ornament. Now, I know that the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon is hugely popular right now. He even had a float in the Macy's Parade. My elf, though...he sits firmly on the shelf. Sometimes I move him to a different shelf or hide him in the living room. Nothing fancy. Not like those mommy bloggers! Mommy bloggers all over the US are coming up with different sneaky surprises and tricks to play with their elves. Some of them are hilarious! Very creative. I just don't have it in me to make my elf do that stuff. My elf is lazy and can't follow through with things. He'd probably get up to some shenanigans for a week or so then quit. Yeah. Lazy elf.