Friday, November 30, 2012

Top 10 Ways You Can Tell I'm Not a Mommy Blogger

The Mommy Blogging trend is in full force. There are more mommy blog writers, sponsored bloggers, I will add, than any other blogging genre. I don't consider myself a mommy blogger, and when I did a little research into the ways that I am not, I was amazed at the sheer number of them. I was looking for trends in mommy blogging and was also shocked at how powerful the genre is. There are some huge advertising revenues being thrown at bloggers with loyal followings who are willing to support a brand or to stand behind a product. Cleaning and cooking products are marketed toward moms in the first place. Sponsors are finding advertising gold on the blogs of mommies. Which brings me to my list. Here are the top 10 ways you can tell I am not a Mommy Blogger:

10) I am not sponsored. There are no big name brands calling on me to endorse their products. I don't host any fancy give-away contests. I don't belong to a group of bloggers. Would I like to be paid for doing this? Heck yeah! Bring it on! But, until some corporation comes to their senses and begins advertising on my blog wall, I will continue to do this for the pure enjoyment of writing.

9) I do not own a fabulous SLR digital camera. I don't take artsy photos of my kids in charming, brightly colored outfits. I love taking pictures of my kids and I gladly share them, but they do not look like portrait studio shots. At all. In fact, I am usually hoping the person looking at the photos doesn't notice the full laundry basket in the background, or the pile of shoes, or the general chaotic mess. Some photos on lots of  mommy blogs look like they were shot by seasoned professionals for a magazine spread. Too much pressure, man!

8) Some mommy bloggers talk about the beautiful mountain views from their Provo home or the tragedy of beach sand on their hardwood floors. Others blog about travels with their families as they learn about new cultures during their mission outings. I do not live on a multi-million dollar ranch. I live in south Tulsa. Although Tulsa has its charms, attractions and museums, it isn't exactly an alluring backdrop for this blog, leaving readers thinking "How lucky is she?".

7) We think our kids are pretty great, but they are far from perfect. As parents, we are even further from perfect. I may leave out details and crumbs of stories, but I am not the mom blogger who dispenses advice on how to have kids just like mine. Sometimes I wonder about these moms with 2.5 kids who are barely out of diapers telling readers all of their super fantastic ideas on parenting and how awesome their babies are. I wonder what will happen when things get real. The ones with senses of humor will be fine, I imagine. The more serious ladies might not deal so well.

6) I do not have a beef with working moms or childless couples. Wow! There is some serious verbal sparring going on between mommy bloggers and working moms. The world needs less judging and more supporting our sisters, ladies! Yikes! They are vicious! And I found several blogs with titles such as "Dear Know-it All People Without Kids: Shut the F%#& Up!" And "Smug Mommy Bloggers are the Reason Why We Hate Parents". Mean! Shooting verbal daggers at one another like crazy people. I don't want to take part in that. I'm not here to judge. There's room on this here planet for all y'all!

5) I am not a Mormon. There are more Mormon mommy bloggers out there than any other identified religious group. They seriously corner the market. One article suggests that this may be because LDS women are taught from an early age that they should live virtuous and lovely lives, that homemaking is a virtuous life choice and to be engaged in activities that promote family happiness. The church also encourages creativity. Mormon mommy blogs are amazing. Witty, creative, lively and insanely popular.

4) I really have nothing much to contribute. I want to share information so that friends and family can keep up with our part of the family from afar, but I don't really have deep, meaningful and quotable things to say. If anyone is entertained at all by this blog, well, that is a bonus. I don't foresee Redbook calling me anytime soon for an article. I think my chances of appearing in any magazine are pretty slim, unless I make the "What Not to Wear" section of Cosmo, complete with the black bar across my eyes to disguise me.

3) I have no helpful hints to eliminate clutter from your home or get the whites whiter in your laundry. I suck at Pinterest. I look at the crafts and beautiful home decor ideas, but I don't actually do any of the stuff. I have tried a few recipes, but even the cooking pins are mostly just me looking, not doing. Mommy bloggers are the BOMB when it comes to Pinterest. And not just pinning cool things to their boards, but actually doing the stuff that people pin. It amazes me.

2) I don't have a bucket list. I don't have a "100 things about me" list. I don't have a list of tried and true strategies for doing anything. Oh, the lists those mommy bloggers can make. I have trouble creating lists. See? I have resorted to making a point on my list about not being a list maker. LAME!

1) This is my elf. He has hung on our Christmas tree since I was a toddler. He's old. My brother has one in a green suit. I always loved this ornament. Now, I know that the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon is hugely popular right now. He even had a float in the Macy's Parade. My elf, though...he sits firmly on the shelf. Sometimes I move him to a different shelf or hide him in the living room. Nothing fancy. Not like those mommy bloggers! Mommy bloggers all over the US are coming up with different sneaky surprises and tricks to play with their elves. Some of them are hilarious! Very creative. I just don't have it in me to make my elf do that stuff. My elf is lazy and can't follow through with things. He'd probably get up to some shenanigans for a week or so then quit. Yeah. Lazy elf.


  1. HA! The number one reason your blog kicks those stupid Mommy blogs' asses:

    1. YOU ARE 100% REAL! You are not consumed with IMAGE. All of those Mormon women making it sound so easy.... right. SOME of them are fudging the truth. They have to be. And as you know, dispensing parenting advice is really easy; actually doing it is hard.

    South Tulsa is a much more real place to raise kids than Provo. Those women all lead cookie-cutter lives. Look how similar they all are! Plus, their Elf on the Shelf SUCKS. Yours has been in your family for decades. I'm sure theirs are fresh from being unwrapped.

    And, finally, how great of parents can they really be if they spend so much time getting their blogs perfectly right?

    It's all BULLSHIT! You are real. Your kids are real kids. Your life is a real life. I'd rather read about that than about some stupid Mormon Stepford Wife with her views of the mountains.

    1. Thank you for the vote of confidence. I should have posted links to the blogs I was referencing. There are some insanely bad ones and some insanely good ones. All sponsored. Some of the bloggers are so blatent about their brand push, it's laughable. "As I woke to the sound of coffee dripping in my Krups 20D Automatic, I stumbled toward my Frigidare Ice20 dispenser for milk." Others are graceful and honest in their approach. What a market tap!!!

      Thank you, as always, for being my #1 fan! ;-)

  2. I thought the same thing Colleen thought, how do they find so much time to write their blogs and do all of this stuff on pintrest and still spend so much time with their kids?

    Also, I want to thank you for #6. I have been saying this for years. Women attacking women for their choices in their lives is ridiculous. We should be supporting each other rather than tearing each other down. I can't tell you how many times I have been treated differently or just plain left out because I didn't give birth to my kids, they were 10 and 14 when I got them. I can't tell you how many people think I don't know how to change a diaper because I didn't birth a baby. Or that I can't cook or do anything else domestically because I chose to go to a music rehearsal over cooking dinner most nights. I used to cook dinner every night, but there were reasons I quit doing that. And it had nothing to do with my ability as a woman.

    So thank you so much. Because I'm tired of women beating up other women.

    And the rest of the reasons you're not a mommy blogger are very good. But you left one're not a "mommy blogger" because you're too busy raising your wonderful fantastic kids and being a wonderful wife. :)

  3. Thank you so much for saying such nice things.

    I was raised by a working mom. I am sensitive to both sides, and it frustrates me a lot. I didn't realize people were so insensitive to you as an adoptive step mom. That is just stupidity at it's best. I know you were an awesome mom and an awesome grandma! My kids consider themselves lucky to have 3 grandmas. We don't think my step mom is any less of a grandma than my mom or Mikes.

    Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It means a lot!!