Monday, January 14, 2013

Five Unintentional Instances of Utterly Ineffective Parenting

These instances may or may not have happened at our home. You don't know! I may have just read about them on the internet or something!

1. In a classic moment of  "Do as I say, not as I do" a mother got busted eating ice cream after talking to the kids about choosing healthy snacks and not needing a dessert every single night. I'd like to say this only has happened once, but that would be lying. Lying sets yet another bad example for the kids.

2. A mother told her young daughter in the space of five minutes these two things: "Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about." and "If you tell me you are bored one more time, I will give you something to do...and you won't like it." Immediately after saying these two things, the mother realized they had the same effect on the daughter as they had on her when she was a young girl and her mom uttered the same words to her. Not any effect whatsoever.

3. A mother, being frustrated at the lack-luster quality of her older daughter's dish washing, announced, "If you don't do a better job at rinsing those dishes, I'm going to have to walk over there and do it for you." The daughter was caught in a strange moment of wanting to be respectful to her mom, yet wanting to laugh at her, step aside and let her mother show her how it's done. Luckily, her mom spared her the task of deciding which road to go down and reworded her half-assed threat into something along the lines of, "Do it right or you will get to practice your craft all next week when it's your sister's turn to do dishes.".

4. A mother was having a serious discussion with her children about language. She explained that using sanitized forms of curse words, such as "freaking", "fudge-nuts", "shiz", "cheese and rice" and the like is really not a good idea. The mind automatically goes to the curse word and it makes you sound crass. She also used the opportunity to remind them that bathroom words might be funny sometimes, but to give it a rest, please. Feeling pleased with herself for making her point and wanting to freshen her breath a bit, she picked up a roll of Mentos. She squeezed the roll to pop one out but inadvertently squeezed the closed end. A majority of the Mentos flew out the open side and onto the floor. Exasperated, she yelled out "SHIT!"...then employed the 3 second rule and sheepishly glanced around at the delighted faces of her offspring. To this day, the kids beg me...uh, I mean "say the S word like the time she dropped all the Mentos". Apparently, it was hilarious.

5. Upon hearing slapping sounds and cries of anger from the back seat of the car, a frustrated mother yelled out "HEY!". Coincidentally, the Lumineer's song "Ho Hey" was playing on the car radio, and the mother just happened to yell HEY in time with the song, and so the kids yelled back HO and the mother's indignation was completely ignored as all of the children burst into laughter.

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