Monday, December 17, 2012

10 Things I would Like to Have Go Away for 2013

Here is a list of things that I am ready to have go away in 2013. Before you get all "ugh, Theresa is so negative!" on me, you should realize that I decreed "cool beans" a phrase that needed to go away last year, and think about it. When is the last time you heard that one? You're welcome.

1. Some words or phrases that need to go away are; "YOLO". Even if you are saying it ironically, stop  saying it! How about "I know, right?". That is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. I don't know why. I am guilty of shouting out a strong "I KNOW" when necessary, but the right? tagged at the end just sounds so Valley Girl and valley girls stopped being relevant  a loooon time ago. Unless you actually live in the valley, which you don't. Some folks are so into tweeting that when they are having a normal face to face conversation they will throw out a verbal hashtag. "My kids are so whiny. I can't wait for the school bus! Hashtag ME TIME". Don't do that. It's dumb. Go tweet it. You can also stop saying "for the win" in a sportscaster voice when things go your way, unless you enjoy seeing the whites of my eyes when I roll them at you. Also, I just might have to slap the next person over 20 that says "AWESOMESAUCE!".

2. I am not about to insult or put down "doomsday preppers", because the reality is, I ain't prepared. If some bad shit goes down in our country, I know which friends I can go hit up for a bottle of water, a sleeve of saltines and a shotgun. Go on and prep, y'all! But, for the love of God...enough with the "Zombie Apocalypse" stuff. I admit that I thought it was hilarious for a while. I laughed at the memes and posted a few myself. But enough is enough. (please forgive me, my prepper friends, if I the dead do start walking. I may still need that water and the crackers)

3. Vampire YA novels. Have you perused a Young Adult section of a bookstore lately? It's kind of ridiculous. The whole vampire thing is completely played out. Especially the sensitive, unbelievably good looking undead hottie who falls for the sweet, innocent babe story line. I'm looking at you, Twilight! So many copy cats... I am tired of all of the dystopian novels as well. America in ruins was a great idea for YA books. Strong female characters, brave male characters, lots of action....I'm just ready for something new. And so are my kids.

4. Maroon 5. That is a real live band. With guys who play real instruments. You wouldn't know it anymore, though. Adam Levine is a force of nature. The ladies love him and the guys wanna party with him. Why not just stick him in front of some music making electronic machines like all the other top 40 "singers" and let the actual musicians of Maroon 5 re-form a real band, not just be props in the Adam Levine show. Why do I care? I don't know, but it bothers me when I hear their music now and it sounds like the same old same old top 40 stuff that people are cranking out and nobody even notices the bass grooves that James Valentine is cranking out. Which brings me to...

5. Auto tune. Enough with that. There are so many extremely talented singers and musicians out there struggling to make it in local gigs. SO many. And then Ke$ha makes millions? Why? And have you ever listened to Britney Spears sing? It's terrible. And those Disney show kids who can't carry a tune in a bucket without autotune? It really rubs me the wrong way.

6. Humblebragging. My friend Colleen introduced me to the term humblebragging on her blog. Read this and this. Her posts are hilarious and I love reading the tweets, but it is time to stop! Humblebragging is described by Colleen as "the art of subtly letting others know about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or 'woe is me' gloss". There is also a parents humblebrag site. It is funny because we all know the type. "Ugh. It is so hard having a popular daughter. All the phone calls and driving to outings with friends. Be glad your daughter never goes anywhere. It is exhausting." Umm...okay. So, while I enjoy reading the tweet sites, I really wish people would stop!! You, too, celebrities! It isn't nice.

7. I am ready for the end of reality tv shows. True, I don't watch them, but the writers strike ended years ago. Why are they still on? Sure, many of you may be thinking, "If you don't like them, don't watch them." Fair enough, but I think they make American's look dumb. Wouldn't it be fun for the USA to be the ones looking down their noses at, say, the British for their Big Brother crapfest?

8. The word "tolerance" has been tossed around a lot lately. I think we need to give it a bit of a rest. Especially since it is so misused. It really grinds my gears to hear people shout out against intolerance while bashing the beliefs of those who they see as intolerant. A prime example: Dan Savage. I read his column and bought his book "It Gets Better". He is crude at times, but passionate about his cause. Yesterday, he posted a column about the Pope joining Twitter. He then linked to a video filled with slurs and obscenities about the Holy Father. That is fighting intolerance with intolerance and is UGLY. Shameful and ugly. Which leads me to:

9. Same sex marriage. I think it's time to say bye-bye to the ban on same sex marriages. I think all people should be able to marry. Why shouldn't the gays of this world be as miserable as the rest of us? I KID! I KID! But seriously, it is about time. We don't choose our hearts. We can't control who we fall in love with. Everyone who is fortunate enough to find love should be able to be legally bound and enjoy the same legal benefits and emotional security that marriage brings. No matter what. I'm glad that all of you reading this are so tolerant  magnanimous. Benevolent. Forbearing. Unprejudiced.

10.  I get it. Bacon is delicious. Can we all just agree on that and move on?


  1. HA HA HA HA! AWESOMESAUCE!!! This is hysterical! Laugh out loud funny! What a great way to start my day. I am with you on all of them. I regret that I haven't heard anybody say, "Hashtag, me time," ever, because I would laugh in their face like a hyena, which would totes make my day.

    I'm not going to be prepared for Doomsday, either. I'll have to hit up people for sleeves of saltines, as well. SO FUNNY!

    Thanks for the shout-out. I appreciate it more than I can say! Humblegragging MUST STOP!

    These are great. I'm going to re-read them often. You are very funny and literary, which is a killer combo, but, you know, YOLO.... *snicker*

  2. What's a hashtag?

    Do I humblebrag? Or as Colleen types, humblegrag? hehe

    While I have laughed at the zombie thingys from time to time, I don't really get what they are about.

    Twilight bores me.

    I did not know Adam was part of Maroon 5 and I've never heard any of their songs.

    The intolerance of tolerance hurts my head/confuses me.

    Marriage, that's a tricky one because I believe it's a God made institution not a man made one, making it a church thing. So the state should not be involved in the marriage thing at all. So I would like to see civil unions for all couples and marriage be a ceremony in the church and let the individual churches decide how to handle them. Everyone would be equal then. Just a thought to stop the fighting.

    I've never heard Awesomesauce. Why did that ever become a word? It's weird. Oh, I do say cool beans from time to time. But now I'll feel silly when I do. Thanks.

    YOLO always sounded stupid to me, but I was so excited when I was the one who explained it to my hubby. As you can probably tell, I'm out of the loop on an awful lot of things.

    I'm not prepared for doomsday, but I do have bottled water if you guys need some.

    Great article Theresa!

  3. Hunblegragging.... yeah! It's a brand new word. Yeah. For, um, people who are too hip to say it correctly. Just FYI. :-)