Potty Talk

When you become a parent, they plant some sort of microchip in your body so that when you need to make a phone call or use the toilet, and all call alert goes out to your children. Seriously, you could be all alone in the kitchen, kids all off and scattered about doing their thing. Maybe you are kind of lonesome or maybe you are getting kitchen-y things done. It doesn't matter. But, step into the bathroom, I dare you! Suddenly you are NEEDED! Like, seriously needed. Mom? MOM!? Where are you. I neeeeeed you! It never fails.

The bathroom intrusions have gotten a lot less frequent now that my kids are older. It used to be constant. Now it is occasional. The other morning, though, I had bad flashbacks. Bad, bad flashbacks. Everyone needed a piece of me and it was all very, very important stuff. And, of course, I was indisposed. It went something like this:

Me: (in my head) Well, everyone is on track this morning. They are all eating breakfast, making lunches...look at them go! I'm just going to go upstairs and use the bathroom, get dressed..Hey! Maybe I won't drop the kids off in my pj's this morning!
Child 1: (roaming through the house) Mom? MOM!? Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU!? MOM!!!?
Me: (oh, crap)
Child 2: Mom?
Me: *sigh* I'm in the bathroom.
Child 1: I called her first. Mom? I need you to do my hair.
Child 2: So? I need her too. Mom? I can't find socks.
Child 3: Where's mom?
Child 1: In there, but she has to do my hair!
Child 4: What's going on? Why is everybody up here?
Child 2: Looking for socks. Mom's in the bathroom.
Child 4: Mom? I need the hair dryer.
Me: Okay. Look. I'm in here. I will do your hair in a minute. The hair dryer is under the cabinet. I will give it to you in a minute. The socks are all in the basket in front of my dresser. Now, everyone just go about your business and let me finish up in here.
Child 5: Where's mom?
All together: She's in there.
Child 5: What are you doing?
Me: I'm baking a cake! What do you think?
Child 5: I forgot...I have to take two 2 Liters of pop to school today. They have to be empty. Do we have any?
Me: Um, no. Since we don't have pop in the house, we obviously don't have pop bottles. We'll have to stop at the Quick Trip on the way to school.
Child 3: No! I'm tired of being late because everyone else can't get ready on time! It's not fair!
(the sound of many voices bickering breaks out)
Me: HEY! Everyone, go downstairs and finish getting ready. I'll be right down. No one will be late. Just....just...go downstairs.
Me: (what was I thinking...)
Now I can hear breathing outside of the bathroom door.
Me: Who's out there?
Child 4: Me. I need the hair dryer.
Child 1: I still need my hair done.
In the distance I hear bickering.

Aaaaand that was the way it went. Join us tomorrow for the continuing saga.